Well, I’m Still Figuring That Out.
I almost laughed reading this prompt. Not because it was a funny question, but because I wondered if I was even the right person to answer it. I’ve spent nearly three decades working across different industries, building businesses, managing people, taking risks, making decisions and dealing with situations that didn’t always turn out the way I expected. Add marriage, fatherhood, finances, responsibilities and everything else that comes with being an adult, and I think I’ve had a reasonably good introduction to stress.
And yet, here I am at 49, still figuring out how to handle it better.
I wish I could tell you that I’ve reached a stage where nothing bothers me anymore. That I wake up every morning feeling peaceful, drink my coffee, meditate for twenty minutes and float through the day like some enlightened human being. Unfortunately, that’s not how my life works. Some mornings are wonderful. Others begin with a hundred thoughts competing for attention before I’ve even got out of bed.
But over the years, I’ve learned a few things about stress. Not from a textbook or a weekend motivational seminar, but from living through enough situations to realise that sometimes the biggest problem isn’t what’s happening around us. It’s what’s happening inside our heads while we’re dealing with it.
I Stopped Pretending That Everything Was Fine
I think this is where a lot of us go wrong, especially men. Somewhere along the way, we were taught that being strong meant being able to handle everything without showing it. Work pressure? Manage it. Financial problems? Figure it out. Family responsibilities? That’s your job. Feeling overwhelmed? Keep it to yourself because apparently everyone expects you to have the answers.
I’ve done that. More times than I’d like to admit.
The problem is that pretending you’re fine doesn’t make the stress disappear. You can smile through a conversation, attend meetings, go about your day and still have a thousand things running through your mind. And sometimes the people closest to you don’t even realise what’s happening because you’ve become so good at acting normal.
I’ve gradually learned that acknowledging I’m stressed isn’t a sign of weakness. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up or that I’m incapable of handling a situation. It simply means something is weighing on me, and I need to understand what it is rather than pretending it doesn’t exist.
There are still days when I don’t get this right. But I’m better at recognising those days than I used to be.
The Gym Became More Than Just a Place to Build Muscle
Anyone who follows my fitness journey through The Fit Blogger (TFB) probably knows how seriously I take my training. What many people may not realise is how much exercise has helped me mentally, beyond the physical transformation.
When I started my fitness journey in my 40s, losing more than 50 kilograms was obviously a huge achievement. But somewhere during those years of training, something else changed. The gym became a place where I could temporarily put aside everything else that was happening in my life.
For that hour or so, I’m not thinking about business meetings, unanswered emails, bills or problems that need solving. I’m thinking about the next repetition, my breathing, my form and whether I have enough energy left for another set. And trust me, when you’re halfway through a difficult leg session, there isn’t much room left in your head for anything else. 😂
Does exercise solve my problems? Of course not. Whatever was waiting for me before the workout will probably still be waiting afterwards. But I often return with a clearer head and a better ability to deal with it.
And there’s a reason for that. Regular physical activity can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, improve sleep and support overall mental well-being. You don’t have to train the way I do to experience those benefits. A walk, a swim, a game of badminton, cycling or simply moving more during the day can make a difference.
The important thing is finding something you enjoy enough to keep doing. Exercise should help you manage stress, not become another source of pressure in your life.
I’ve Learned That Not Everything Needs an Immediate Solution
This one has probably taken me the longest to understand.
I’ve spent a large part of my professional life solving problems. When something goes wrong in business, your instinct is to find an answer, make a decision and move forward. That’s useful in many situations, but it doesn’t necessarily work with everything in life.
Some problems cannot be fixed today. Some decisions depend on other people. Some situations need time, whether we like it or not. And some things are simply outside our control.
Earlier, I would spend hours thinking about the same issue, going over different possibilities, imagining what could go wrong and trying to prepare for every possible outcome. The funny thing is that after all that thinking, I would often end up exactly where I started, except considerably more exhausted.
These days, I try to ask myself a simple question: Is there something I can actually do about this right now?
If the answer is yes, I try to take that step, however small. If the answer is no, I remind myself that thinking about it for another four hours isn’t necessarily going to change anything.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Try doing it when you’re genuinely worried about something. It’s not always easy.
But I’m learning.
Sleep Is No Longer Something I’m Willing to Sacrifice Casually
There was a time when sleeping less felt almost like an achievement. People would proudly announce that they were surviving on four or five hours of sleep because they were working so hard. Somewhere, we started confusing exhaustion with ambition.
I’ve come to see it very differently.
Today, sleep is one of my biggest priorities. I aim for around eight hours whenever possible, and I pay attention to how well I’ve recovered, particularly because I train regularly. I also use wearable technology to understand patterns in my sleep and recovery, although I don’t treat every number on a screen as the absolute truth.
What I’ve noticed is that when I haven’t slept properly, everything seems slightly more difficult. Small irritations feel bigger, patience becomes shorter, concentration suffers and problems that might otherwise be manageable suddenly feel overwhelming.
Of course, sleep doesn’t magically eliminate stress. In fact, stress itself can make sleeping difficult, which creates a rather frustrating cycle. But protecting my sleep gives me a better chance of dealing with whatever the next day brings.
And no, I don’t feel guilty anymore about choosing an early night over another late evening that I probably didn’t need.
Sometimes I Just Need to Talk
I’m not somebody who believes every problem needs to be shared with the world. There are things I prefer to work through privately, and I think that’s perfectly fine.
But I’ve also realised there’s a difference between privacy and carrying everything alone.
Sometimes a conversation with my wife, a friend or someone I trust helps me look at a situation differently. They may not have a solution. They may not even fully understand the problem. But saying something out loud can make it feel less complicated than it did when it was going around in circles inside my head.
And sometimes I don’t want advice at all. I just want someone to listen without immediately telling me what I should have done differently.
I think we underestimate how important that can be.
I’ve also become more conscious of how I listen when someone else is struggling. Not every conversation needs a solution. Sometimes people simply want to know they’re not dealing with everything by themselves.
My Daughter Has Changed the Way I Look at Stress
Fatherhood has taught me many things, and one of them is how easily we allow our worries to take over moments that should have been enjoyed.
My daughter, Tisya, is 13 now. She’s growing up, becoming more independent and developing her own little world of friends, interests, opinions and priorities. And somewhere in the middle of all that, I’m trying to keep up with being her father while also managing everything else life throws at me.
There have been moments when I’ve been physically present but mentally somewhere else, thinking about work or something that was troubling me. And then she’ll say something completely random, crack a joke or want to tell me about her day, and I’ll realise that I’ve been so occupied with tomorrow’s problems that I nearly missed something happening right in front of me.
Children don’t stop growing because their parents are stressed.
That’s something I remind myself quite often.
I don’t always succeed in keeping my worries away from family time. But I try to be more conscious of it now. Because years from today, I doubt I’ll remember most of the emails that kept me awake at night. I will, however, remember the conversations, the laughter, the silly moments and the time I spent with her.
And I’d like her to remember those too.
I’ve Stopped Comparing My Life to Everyone Else’s
Social media is a strange place. I say that as someone who spends a considerable amount of time creating content for it.
Open Instagram and someone is buying a new house, someone is travelling business class, someone has launched another company, someone has the perfect body and someone is apparently making more money in a month than most people make in a year.
Wonderful. Good for them.
But what we see is usually a very small, carefully selected part of somebody’s life.
I’ve lived long enough to know that success doesn’t protect anyone from difficult days. A beautiful home doesn’t guarantee a happy family. A successful business doesn’t mean its owner sleeps peacefully every night. And a photograph of someone smiling tells you absolutely nothing about what they may be dealing with privately.
So I try not to measure my life against somebody else’s highlights.
At 49, I’ve had enough ups and downs to know that life doesn’t move in a straight line. There are periods when everything seems to fall into place and others when even simple things require far more effort than they should.
Neither phase lasts forever.
And someone else’s good fortune doesn’t mean my life is falling behind.
I Try to Find Humour, Even When Things Aren’t Particularly Funny
This might sound like an unusual stress-management technique, but humour has always been an important part of who I am.
I enjoy laughing, making people laugh and finding something amusing even in situations that are far from ideal. Not because I don’t take life seriously, but because I think life becomes unnecessarily heavy when we take ourselves seriously every single minute.
There are days when things go wrong one after another, and all I can do is sit back and wonder whether the universe has accidentally enrolled me in some advanced-level patience test.
And sometimes I laugh.
Not at the problem, but at the absurdity of how life works.
Of course, humour isn’t a substitute for dealing with serious issues. But it can give me a little breathing room, and sometimes that’s exactly what I need before deciding what to do next.
And Perhaps Most Importantly, I’ve Learned to Be a Little Kinder to Myself
This is still a work in progress.
I’ve always had expectations of myself. Professionally, personally and even with fitness, I tend to push myself to do better. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with ambition, but it becomes exhausting when every setback turns into a personal failure.
Sometimes things don’t work out despite your best efforts. Sometimes you make the wrong decision. Sometimes people disappoint you. Sometimes you disappoint yourself. And sometimes life just doesn’t cooperate with the plans you’ve made.
I’ve experienced all of those.
Earlier, I would spend far too much time thinking about what I should have done differently. And while reflection is important, there’s a point where learning from a mistake turns into repeatedly punishing yourself for it.
I’m trying to recognise that difference.
I can take responsibility for my decisions without allowing them to define my entire life. I can acknowledge that something went wrong without convincing myself that everything is going wrong. And I can have a difficult day without deciding that I’m having a difficult life.
That’s not positive thinking for the sake of it. It’s simply learning to be a little more reasonable with myself.
So, How Do I Really Manage Stress?
I exercise. I protect my sleep. I talk when I need to. I spend time with people who matter to me. I try to separate what I can control from what I can’t, and I make a conscious effort not to let one difficult part of my life take over everything else.
Some days, I manage all of that reasonably well. Other days, I don’t.
And I think that’s perfectly human.
I don’t believe stress is something we can eliminate completely, nor do I think a stress-free life should necessarily be the goal. Some stress comes from responsibilities we’ve willingly taken on, people we care about, ambitions we’re pursuing and situations that matter deeply to us.
The challenge is recognising when that stress is becoming too much, and learning how to respond before it starts affecting our health, relationships and everyday life.
One thing I’ve come to understand is that being strong doesn’t mean never feeling overwhelmed. It means recognising when something is overwhelming you and being willing to do something about it, including asking for help when you need it.
After nearly five decades of living, working, building, losing, learning and starting over, I certainly don’t have all the answers. And I suspect I never will.
But I’ve stopped expecting myself to.
These days, when life feels particularly heavy, I try to remind myself of something that experience has taught me repeatedly: I’ve been through difficult periods before. Some I handled well, others I could have handled much better. But I learned something from almost all of them.
And perhaps that’s what managing stress really means to me now. Not having complete control over everything that happens, but gradually becoming better at handling the things that don’t go according to plan.
Because a peaceful life isn’t necessarily one without problems. Sometimes it’s simply learning not to lose yourself while dealing with them.
Disclaimer: This article reflects my personal experiences and general approaches to managing everyday stress. Exercise, sleep and lifestyle habits can support mental well-being, but they aren’t substitutes for professional mental healthcare. If stress is persistent, overwhelming or affecting your sleep, health, relationships or daily functioning, consider speaking with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
